Dear Charlie: How did we blow it?


The lines in the mirror,
come sharper and clearer.
 The credit card cuts both ways,
and any note would do,
just to blow tomorrows yesterdays- as if I ever knew. 

It's hard without you, you always took away the pain with ease.
No matter the problem, the right dosage of you would always appease.
How did we blow it?
If I knew moderation we could still kick it.

I yearn to be numb, I yearn to be dumb, but I have taken a vow to leave you behind.
without you the pain is intolerable, I'm losing my mind.


   
When I had you I knew trouble, but no pain.
I had nightmares but still felt sane.
My life was crumbling, but I was anesthetized.
Ignorance was bliss but my dignity was paralyzed.

Without you I am clean,
but a lifetime away from feeling serene.
Every day is a battle for happiness and peace. 
Perhaps on my grave sits my wreath,
my soul will be free. 

In the meantime I walk this hard path with heavy tears and a restless heart.
I yearn for your taste,
but stay away for my children's sake.

Every day I make the conscious choice to stay away,
to make this choice just one more day.       

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The mating of soul

There is something in my core and soul that irresistibly pushes me to connect with you. I thought this was just lust or an attraction grown out of deficiencies in my life. I thought I must be looking for a distraction -but I know now that you are my soulmate. The thing about love is that it sometimes just arrives unexpectedly, like a family member that you have never met suddenly announcing that they are at your front door. You don’t expect him, nor did you invite him over, but while he stands on your porch, there is a strange sense of familiarity that comforts you and so you invite him in for tea. Love sometimes comes with two souls just connecting, the conversation needn’t be consciously profound. It comes with eyes that meet across a room, eyes that speak their own language where the mouth need not take part, a deep feeling of knowing and connection. I feel irrationally and strongly attracted to you and yes this attraction might manifest as or be confused with romantic or sexu
Read more

Twice Unwanted

You said, sometimes people have to fall apart to fall back together. You said this was a matter of the heart. I say, an ex-lover just spun me a great line so he can break my heart for the second time! I thought it was a night of passion for two souls meant to be, I see now that it was just curiosity and you wanting to see, Did you still do it for me and do I still do it for you? You wrote me songs and told me stories, so you could seek out some kind of glory, But the earth never moved, the stars didn't suddenly align We are not two star-crossed lovers able to turn back time. I spend hours crying trying to find the meaning,  watching the clock and my phone and staring at the ceiling, I am back to that little girl you hurt all those years ago, broken and lost, I can still taste my tears from the first time you made me feel worthless and tossed. You never made me feel special, yet I hung on your every word I showered you with affection, a
Read more