Mommy Spoke to God Today


Mommy spoke to god today
I’m not sure what the two of them had to say, but she’s angry- and happy and needs to wash her sins away.

Today is the day, she shaves off her hair and takes off her clothes and runs into the sea.
I’m only eleven and scared and all alone, she tells me to sit in the car quietly, 
But to the police I feel forced to plea.

She’s spitting and fighting and then the doctors come; now she sits there quietly just hating me.
Without the meds, I know I will lose her and with them she is permanently lost at sea. 

This disease has robbed me of a mother; I have paid the ultimate cost.
I am angry, I  feel I have raised you, my needs, to the side they were tossed.

I yearn for something I have never known- a mother’s wisdom I crave.
But instead you are lost in your thoughts-your mind a never ending maze. 

You don't sleep, so neither do I,they call it mania and it's a high unbearable to those you leave behind
and then there is a low, more painful than I can know, as I slip you another pill, I feel so unkind.

The years go on and I always worry when I hear the passing siren,
I have distanced myself for the sake of my own children-
I can no longer be the one to come to your aid and that makes me the villain.

I have wished you would just go so my times, free us both of your bipolar, just go away
I guess mommy spoke to god  again today, he must have said with us she could no longer stay.


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